Last time, we looked at W1: The What of change—what is it you want? Now, we’re moving on to W2: the why of habit change.
Why do you want something? What’s really driving that change? The why gets to the roots of motivation, and just like habits, motivation can have a positive or negative impact—but that’s only measured by how it affects your life.
One of the areas I often work with people on is self-image, and it’s a good place to look at the potential darker side of motivation.
The Weight Loss Example
Let’s take weight loss. Lots of people struggle with eating—some eat too much, others avoid certain foods. If someone comes to me wanting to lose weight, one of the first things we explore is why?
There’s a big difference between:
- “I want to lose weight because my blood pressure is high.”
- “I want to lose weight because I don’t feel attractive.”
- “No one will love me if I’m overweight.”
See how that last one throws in an entirely different issue? It’s no longer just about weight loss; it’s about the fear of being unloved, which is an entirely separate emotional challenge. Fear of being unloved and weight loss have been tangled together.
This is important because external motivation (doing something because of how others might see you) is usually less stable than internal motivation (doing something because it truly matters to you). The more we explore why you want change, the more we can untangle those motivations and make sure you’re focusing on what you want for yourself.
Revisiting Your reason Why
One thing about the W5 process is that we don’t necessarily move through it in a straight line. As we go further through the process, we may find that we need to go back and refine what we’ve already covered.
So in the weight loss example—what’s actually more important:
- Losing weight?
- Falling in love?
- Feeling better about yourself?
The answer helps redefine the goal itself.
Let’s look at a different example—audition nerves.
- The What: “I want to be better at auditions.”
- The Why: “Because if I were less nervous, I might book more jobs and feel more satisfaction in my acting career.”
Straightforward, right? But understanding the why takes us deeper.
What if the real fear isn’t about auditioning—it’s about not feeling good enough? What if there’s a deeper belief that booking jobs is proof of worth? This is where we start untangling those thoughts and beliefs, reinforcing something essential: I am good enough is more than good enough.
The Habit Loop: Why + Reward
Last time, I talked about the cue-routine-reward cycle. The “what” of habit change tends to be integral to the cue, whereas the why ties into the reward—what you expect to get out of making the change.
For example, every Monday morning, I change my bedding. Most weeks, it’s the first thing I do. Doesn’t seem particularly life-changing, does it? Except it actually is.
Why?
- It ticks off the first thing on my to-do list for the week.
- Who doesn’t love fresh bedding? It can help later in the day with sleep hygiene (don’t worry, we will cover that in another post).
- It gives me a powerful insight into my mood for the day.
If I feel like I can’t be bothered to change my bedding, how will I get on with challenging tasks like doing my tax return or helping clients reach their goals? That little Monday habit helps me check in with myself before I take on the rest of the day.
There is also a lot of evidence that habit stacking helps to build bigger habits out of smaller achievable ones. But I digress.
What Happens When Your Why Isn’t Strong Enough?
Here’s the thing: the why has to be strong enough to carry you through resistance.
Let’s take smoking.
- If your why is “I should probably stop smoking”—that’s not going to cut it.
- If your why is “My partner doesn’t like it”—you might quit for a while, but if you’re out at the pub and someone pops outside for a cigarette, what’s stopping you from relapsing?
- If your why is “I’m sick of feeling breathless when I exercise, and I actually want to enjoy running”—that’s something real.
Which of these statements seems to have the stronger reason for stopping? The stronger the internal why, the more likely it is that habit change will stick.
Finding an Exciting Why
In the last post I mentioned Practical Aesthetics and the belief that objectives should be fun rather than just practical—it helps to make them exciting. They make you want to take action.
Take nail-biting.
- “I want to stop because people find it disgusting.”
- “I should have more self-control.”
- “I want to enjoy getting manicures and showing off my nails with bright polish.”
Which one of these feels more exciting? Which one makes change feel worth it?
As a hypnotherapist, my job is to help you find all those exciting reasons to make a change. The bigger the reward, the greater the anticipation, and the easier the habit becomes.
Another Example: Performance Anxiety
Someone going to an audition might start feeling anxious as soon as their agent calls.
- The What: “I want to feel more confident when my agent calls.”
- The Why: “Because that anxiety gets in the way of me producing my best work.”
But what if we go deeper?
What if the why is actually:
- “Because I love acting, and I want to enjoy it more.“
- “Because I want to book more roles, not just for the work, but because acting is part of who I am.“
See how that shifts things? Instead of focusing on getting rid of fear, we can focus on reinforcing something even more important: the belief I am more than good enough. That shift moves motivation away from proving yourself and toward simply enjoying what you love.
What’s Your Why?
If you’ve been struggling to stay motivated, maybe it’s time to check in with your why.
- Is it something you actually want?
- Is the reward exciting enough?
- Is it coming from you, or from external pressure?
If you want help getting clearer on your why, I offer one-to-one hypnotherapy sessions where we can unpack your motivation and make change feel easier.
Book a free 20-minute consultation to find out more.
